Into The Wild Cuckoo version
by Ambereyes-Jaypaw Fangirl
Summary: My parody! Meet the insane clans with stalkers, perverts, princes cough, chatspeakers, and potato chip fans! Makes fun of all charries. Rated T just incase.
1. The beginning

**Crazy allegiances! **

**Firepaw- Sane for now…**

**Bluestar (Coolblue)- Loves graffiti**

**Graypaw- Potato Chips and other snack foods.**

**Ravenpaw- Likes to dye fur.  
Dustpaw- Pervert**

**Sandpaw- Likes to listen to music.**

**Lionheart- Believes he's a prince.  
Frostfur- Believes she's a princess.**

**Tigerclaw- She-cat obsessed.**

**Darkstripe- Loves Tigerclaw. Gay.**

**Barley- Talks upside-down.**

**Smudge- Chatspeak**

**Spottedleaf (Spottedleafcake, Cupcakeleaf)- Smells like cake. Stalks Firepaw.**

**Whitestorm- Obsessed with sports.**

**Yellowfang- Vain…**

**Brokenstar- Loves chocolate chip pies.**

**Clawface- Cuts himself. EMO!**

**Speckletail- Witch (Cough)**

**Mousefur- Throws parties for small reasons.**

**Longtail- Thinks he's an artist.  
Daisy- Thinks she's Fergie (and thinks she's in Into The Wild) **

**Goldenflower- Breaks into dance for random reasons. **

**Elders- Lost their insanity  
Runningwind- Babysitter**

**Willowpelt- Thinks she's the author of Harry Potter.**

"You'll nevah get away with this, Oakheart!" Tigerclaw hissed.

"Get away with what? Invading your territory?" Oakheart asked.

"No! You stole Bluestar from me, so I must killkillkill!" And he lunged at Oakheart, who was extremely confused.

They tumbled apart, wounds leaking fake blood. "How do you know, that I love Bluestar?" Said Oakheart, backing away from Tigerclaw

"Wait, you love Bluestar?" Tigerclaw meowed. Suddenly, rocks tumbled down on a very confused Oakheart. And that's how he really died.

Redtail jumped down from one of the rocks, "Tigerclaw, we must retreat! RETREAT RETREAT!" He yowled. It hurt Tigerclaw's ears so he killed Redtail. Little did they know, a small green apprentice was watching all of this.

A cat with blue stars spray-painted on her was sitting next to a tortoiseshell. "Bluestar," the tortie said, "I think I am too sane, all the other cats are insane! I need to fit in!"  
"I don't know, Spottedleaf. How are Mousefur's wounds, by the way?"

"_I think I'll stalk sexy kittypets from now on." _Muttered Spottedleaf, not hearing the question. Then she saw a hot pink colored star shoot in the sky.

"What did StarClan, say, Spottedleafcake?"

"They said, Fire alone would destroy all sanity. But we are already insane!"

"StarClan told us that fire would, so it will! We must believe!" Light shone on her painted pelt.

Meanwhile, an orange kittypet was dreaming about mice. Also about potato chips, stalkers, graffiti, gay cats, and random yelps of, "YOU PERVERT!!!" He woke up, relishing the memory of the pwnsome dream.

He smelt food, so he went to see what it was. It was food. Obviously. So he decided to eat it, even though it tasted like crap compared to the potat--- I mean, mice in his dream. He decided to go outside and into the woods, because he didn't want to drink his metallic water. Smudge ran up to him, crying even though cats don't cry.

"OMG111 R()S7Y! D0N'7 L34VE111 TH3Y'LL E47 UR BON35111"  
"Who will E47 my BON35?" Rusty asked.

"T3H W1LDC4TS!"

Rusty decided to ignore the bratty chatspeaking cat and go into the forest anyway. Then he heard a rustle in the leaves. Was this the wildcats? But then he heard something that disturbed him,

"Fergalicious def-,

Fergalicious def-,

Fergalicious def-"

A cream she-cat was singing the terrible song (**AN: Sorry to fans of this song, but I can't stand it!) **

"WHO ARE YOU!?" Rusty yowled.

"I am Daisy!"

"You aren't supposed to be here until Twilight! The book I mean."  
"Oh, yeah!" And Daisy disappeared with a 'poof'.

Rusty was about to take a step forward, when he heard another rustling noise. And he saw a flash of fur moving among the trees. "Come out now!" He demanded.

"Aww, you found me, smexy kittypet." And a tortoiseshell smelling of cake walked out. "I am your stalker now, call me Spottedleafcake, or Cupcakeleaf (**AN: My mom invented this, I have no idea what it means.) **, or something like that. See yah later!" She meowed. And Cupcakeleaf, or Spottedleafcake or whatever it was, left Rusty feeling completely confused.

So he went deeper into the forest, when he heard _another_ rustling in the leaves, and a crunch. His blood ran cold. _Was this the bones that the cats eat?_ And he peered behind a tree. It was a cat. A gray cat. Eating. Eating potato chips. His dream was coming true every second! Stalkers! Potato chips!

"Hey kittypet, do you want a chip?"  
"Sure!" And he took a crunchy potato chip and ate it.

"YAY! Everyone thinks I'm sane for eating potato chips! Finally somebody who accepts me! You eat well for a kittypet!"

"Er… thanks." Then he spied something painted in blue spray-paint on a tree. It said, 'Coolblue wuz here.' "Who's Coolblue?"

"Our leader, instead of scent marking, she puts graffiti on almost anything in ThunderClan territory. My name's Graypaw by the way!"

"Young knight-in-training, why are you conversing with the not-noble townskittehs?" A golden tom in shining armor stood majestically on a rock, followed by a spray-painted she-cat.

"Kittypets are so not cool, Graydude! But that one looks like he eats good for a kittypet… hhmmm… Oh, how about he joins us! I am Bluestar, or Coolblue!" Rusty was confused, why so soon?

"Come back tonight when you make up your mind! See you then! OH!" Then she spied a tree she had not put graffiti on, so she magically made a can of blue spray paint appear, and she marked her territory. Rusty decided it was best to leave right that second.

Smudge spazzed out when he heard Rusty was leaving "U R G01nG t0 t3h w1ld11111?"  
"YES! For the last time! BYE!"  
"B73!"

Rusty ran out, happy to leave his annoying housefolk who called him Rusty-kins. He ran out to where he met Coolblue and Lionheart. He smelt their stench. "Hell-ooo?" And a soccer ball hit him in the head!

"Hey, I was about to score a goal!" Hissed a fluffy white cat! "Kittypet, you have to learn how to play sports before you join this clan!"  
"Loyal knight, Whitestorm, sports don't make a cat brave. I don't know how to play football. But I am one of the bravest knights!"  
"For the last time, Lionheart, you are a Warrior, not a knight!" Whitestorm hissed. "Well kittypet, are you ready to come with us to join the clan of insanity?"  
"Yes!"


	2. Into the Craziness

**Crazy allegiances! **

**Firepaw- Sane for now…**

**Bluestar (Coolblue)- Loves graffiti**

**Graypaw- Loves Potato Chips and other snack foods.**

**Ravenpaw- Likes to dye fur.  
Dustpaw- Pervert**

**Sandpaw- Likes to listen to music.**

**Lionheart- Believes he's a prince.  
Frostfur- Believes she's a princess.**

**Tigerclaw- She-cat obsessed.**

**Darkstripe- Loves Tigerclaw. Gay.**

**Barley- Talks upside-down.**

**Smudge- Chatspeak**

**Spottedleaf (Spottedleafcake, Cupcakeleaf)- Smells like cake. Stalks Firepaw.**

**Whitestorm- Obsessed with sports.**

**Yellowfang- Vain…**

**Brokenstar- Loves chocolate chip pies.**

**Clawface- Cuts himself. EMO!**

**Speckletail- Witch (Cough)**

**Mousefur- Throws parties for small reasons.**

**Longtail- Thinks he's an artist.  
Daisy- Thinks she's Fergie (and thinks she's in Into The Wild) **

**Goldenflower- Breaks into dance for random reasons. **

**Elders- Lost their insanity  
Runningwind- Babysitter**

**Willowpelt- Thinks she's the author of Harry Potter.**

Rusty followed the two cats, one in golden armor and another kicking a soccer ball. They ran through the woods quickly. So quickly that Rusty's head watching all the blue graffiti on the trees turn into a blur. He began to slow down, not used to so much running.

"Don't slow down!" Yowled Whitestorm. And Rusty sped up, scared that Whitestorm would hit him with the soccer ball again. He got a headache because of that.

The cats finally skidded into camp where there was a big rock with graffiti all over it in the same blue color. Rusty could guess who lived there. And indeed, Bluestar came padding out of her den. She ran over to greet Lionheart, Whitestorm and him. Then she climbed on top of the rock. "All cats old enough to do algebra, come to the graffitirock for a clan meeting!" She yowled. Rusty didn't know whether or not to come. He didn't know algebra. "Kittypet, come up!" She whispered to him. Rusty obeyed. You don't mess with a cat with spray-paint. "We have lost a lot of Warriors recently, as you know. So we've decided to take in a new member of our clan!"  
"He smells bad!" A cat exclaimed.  
"Like kittypet!" Another added.  
"It is a kittypet! Look at his stupid jingly collar! Ha ha! I can sculpt a more beautiful collar than that!" A paint-splattered tabby meowed.

"Attack Longtail like a noble knight!" Lionheart whispered in his ear. So Rusty pounced on the tabby named Longtail, feeling paint splash all over him. They were rolling all over the clearing! And then a **permanent **pink paint-can toppled over, spraying Longtail's ears.

"Oh no! It is permanent this time! I can wash the other paint out! NOO! You shall perish!" And Longtail took a knife, and aimed for Rusty's neck. But he missed and cut off his collar. Rusty realized he must have won, because all the other cats gathered around him.

"I think he deserves an apprentice name now. Now what should I call him? Let me see…" Meanwhile, Longtail wanted revenge. He took a match and lit it. He set Rusty's tail on fire!

"AUGGHH!" Rusty yowled. But Graypaw poured soda over it.

"You owe me! I wasn't done with my coke yet!" He hissed at Rusty.

"Oh, I have a great name! Sodatail! I mean… Firepaw!" Bluestar meowed;

"Firepaw! Firepaw! Firepaw!" The clan all chanted, except Longtail.

"Let me show you around, Firepaw, " Graypaw told him, "come on!" He guided Firepaw around. "This is Dustpaw! _He is perverted…"_ Graypaw whispered. "And Sandpaw!" Sandpaw was crouched over an Ipod, singing along to '_Hips Don't Lie.'_

"IIIIII'MM ON TOONIGHT! YOU KNOW MY HIPS DON'T LIEEE AND I'M STARTING TOO FEEEL IT'S RIIGHHT!!!" She sang. Firepaw had to close his ears a bit. He noticed Dustpaw was looking at Sandpaw with an evil expression on his face. Firepaw didn't want to know what he was thinking about.

"This," Graypaw mewed as he walked along, "is Darkstripe! _I don't like him at all!" _

"How to get Tigerclaw to like me? Hmm…" Darkstripe muttered.

"_Darkstripe is gay by the way!" _Graypaw whispered.

All of a sudden, a green cat burst into the clearing, bleeding. Firepaw didn't understand why the cat was green, but then he realized it was just fur dye. On a black cat. He didn't know how the fur-dye worked, if the cat was black.

"REDTAIL IS DEAAAD!" And the green/black cat fainted, but awoke for just a hearbeat and said, "Also Oakheart," and he fainted again.

Then Firepaw saw a cat he thought he'd never see again. Spottedleafcake. She stared at the green cat.

A muscular tabby came into the clearing, "Is he dead, my dear Spottedleafcake?"

"I hate you, Tigerclaw. I only like Firepaw. And you are an idiot! Ravenpaw is not dead! Also, you are related to me! INCEST!" She yowled.

Tigerclaw began to cry, but then noticed a dancing golden she-cat and began to go up to her. Firepaw realized that cat had serious love problems.   
Graypaw came up to him, "That is Ravenpaw," he meowed, "he loves fur dye." But Firepaw wasn't listening; he noticed Bluestar was looking depressed.

"MEH OAKY! NOOO!" She cried, "Oh, good-bye to Redtail as well."

Firepaw was extremely confused now.


End file.
